No, not how they get here, or why we love them so much, but rather, all the actual stuff that we parents are expected to buy to welcome these kids into the world.
Is there any demographic easier to market to than a hormonal, physically- and emotionally-exhausted woman? Um NOPE. Shame on the baby industry for preying on us so.
Just kidding. I see a 20% off coupon for Buy Buy Baby and I’m all how quick can we get there??
It’s kinda bonkers, really, how brainwashed we are as consumers to be actually CONVINCED that we need need need so much stuff.
But it’s easy to get caught in the trap. We bought and didn’t use many things over the course of our three pregnancies and births. I’m here to share what you can save your cash on, because college is coming a lot sooner than you think and that is something you should actually be spending money on for your kids.
Along with the help of my adorable assistant (who I also call my daughter), behold:
You know what works just as well as a $20 patch of fake grass that you have to set on your countertop to dry your bottles and accessories?
A DISH TOWEL.
Save yourself the money, and the pain it’s gonna be to take that sucker apart to wash it, and use the towel instead.
You know what’s really cute? A pacifier that makes it look like your kid has a grill.
You know what pacifier your kid will never actually want to use? A pacifier that looks like a grill.
Save the seven bucks; buy a couple lattes instead. #becausecaffeine
Also known as, “The Thing I Bought and Swore By as a First-Time Mother, But Then Realized with My Subsequent Kids was Kinda Pointless.”
Admittedly, I did once advocate to pregnant friends on behalf of this device. Then I realized my children acted no differently when I wiped their butts with room temperature diaper wipes versus warm diaper wipes.
So while I risk looking like a hypocrite, allow me to encourage you to learn from my revelation.
They’re sweet, they work well for newborn pictures (or in our case, above, Halloween), and then… they’re just there. In your baby’s drawer in her nursery. Taking up space where diapers and endless tubes of Desitin should be instead.
I’m all for a cute baby in a cute hat, but I have never actually seen a baby wearing a cute hat in normal, everyday, baby life. If you know what I mean.
This whole no-baby-hat thing could just be me and my inability to track down well-accessorized children, or it could be due to the fact that CUTE BABY HATS ARE ALMOST ALWAYS A WASTE OF MONEY.
(Also, your kid’s head grows rapidly in the early months of life. If you buy a cap for a baby, it had better be really stretchy.)
Oh please, dear God, do not be the mother who puts actual hard-soled shoes on your child before the age of 1.
She is not walking yet, therefore she doesn’t need shoes.
They’re expensive, those little elfin shoes. Save your money for when your kid is actually mobile and needs something to cover her feet. If you must have something to cover their little piggies, consider putting your wasteful spending toward a pair of cloth Dutch clogs. See below.
The landfill-clogging, parent-tripping, weird-sound-making infant toys are aplenty.
They’re so cute. They’re so creative.
And your baby will want NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM.
You want a toy your baby will love? Log onto Amazon, order some toilet paper in bulk, then let your kid play in the empty box.
DONE. (You’re welcome.)
Well, that’s just my two cents.
Parenting is expensive. Finding ways to cut corners early on can only help.
Mom on, my friends!
What do you think you need for baby? What are your favorite products? What didn’t you use? Weigh in below! I love to hear from you!