Will both socks make it out of the dryer when I do laundry this time? Will the line at the Starbucks drive-thru be 8 or 18 cars deep? How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? Maybe less so that last one. But on this I think we can agree: plenty of surprises.

About 48 hours ago, just after spending a decent portion of a 2-hour long flight chasing a 13-month-old up and down the aisle of a plane, my husband and I had an epiphany about our rambunctious little flower’s future career.

We women are kinda crap at taking care of ourselves, since 99.9% of the time we are focused on making sure the other people in our lives (ahem, partners and kids) are comfortable, happy, fed and otherwise not applying tacky and irremovable goop-type concoctions to their hair.

It’s always fun to do things you’ve never done before, especially in your own hometown. I’ve done just about everything there is to do that tourist-y and fun in Pittsburgh, having been born and raised there, but there apparently was one fun thing that I missed in my 28 years there…

Get ready to pretend gasp: The Miss America Organization has banned the swimsuit competition from its pageants. (You’ve heard this by now. This is your cue to act surprised/impressed/encouraged about the general direction of our society.)

(*usually). Sometimes you get the crazy idea in your head that it is, in fact, possible to put on a full face of makeup with three young kids in the house. And then, you realize that you are a fool. A complete and utter fool.

When you find yourself saying “I’ll strip down naked if I have to, I just need to get on this flight,” you know your weekend away is off to a good start. Rewind!

Playroom: [pley-room, -roo m] Noun. A room to stash your kids so you can finally go to the bathroom alone. But only for 45 seconds. Because they will find you. (They always find you.)

If you are anything like me, you’ve got a crap-ton of imaginary friends.My imaginary friends aren’t “imaginary” in the sense that they don’t exist; rather, they’re imaginary in the sense that they’ve never met me.

“If I sit really, really close to the door,” she said. “If someone came running down the hall with a gun, I wouldn’t have time.”Please take a moment to process that quote. Really read it. Those words came from a high school student.