So, let’s talk. The whole purpose of me blogging and writing is to share real life stories with you. Real things that happen to real people, and practical and real solutions–or at the very least, discussions–about them. I think we can all agree that there are enough blogs out there that can tell you all about “5 Simple Ways to Start Meditating Today!” and “Tips for the Perfect Avocado Toast.” So let’s dive into something super juicy, and super taboo: Infidelity. In short, he cheated. Now what?The topic of my podcast episode this week is just that. Infidelity. Cheating. Two-timing. Home wrecking. There’s no other way to put this: Those words, and the action behind it, STINK.
There are many, many reasons a woman or man cheats; and similarly, there are many reasons why his or her partner chooses to stay or go.I’m not in a position to give advice on this–not because I think one needs to be an expert to have an opinion, but rather because each scenario is so different. Here’s something that I will add to the discussion, though. As I have said many times in the past, I’m a firm believer that therapy is always part of the solution when a relationship goes awry (be it with someone else, or with yourself.)But here’s what I am in a position to do–to share a story with you that I promise–promise–will make you think twice before you consider what you might do in a similar scenario.
Writer Jodie Utter quite literally woke up into a nightmare. As you’ll hear her tell me in our interview, her husband confessed, in the middle of the night, to an affair that he had. An affair that, Jodie says, had happened years prior to his confession; and one that, she adds, he may never have owned up to at all, were it not for the fact that their local media was about to cover the story and plaster their personal business all over the airwaves, anyway.Yeah. Nightmare. A pretty accurate description of this scenario, right?But Jodie says she knew right away–literally seconds after her husband confessed to her–what she wanted to do. And she wanted to stay.This is the tricky spot. The part where people–well meaning people, no doubt, who are on your side and rallying for your healing–will likely have lots of opinions. Thoughts about what you should do, what they would do, and why. And let me tell you, sister, I have my own thoughts and opinions on this topic, too.But what Jodie’s experience and writing challenges us to do is to reconsider that knee-jerk reaction. By sharing her story, she allows us to see the strength in trying to hear our partner out, before deciding what to do next. I know you guys will be just as impressed by her composure and strength of mind as I was, when she was recounting her story.
I’ll let you listen for yourself to see why Jodie’s story had this unexpected complication, but if you’re reading this and it all sounds a little too close to home, I want you to know one thing: It’s simple, and it is the most profound thing that you can take from Jodie’s, or anyone’s, story who has been down this path. It is not your fault.Victims of infidelity will tell you this. Science tells us this. And when you get deep enough into the healing process yourself, you yourself will begin to know this as well.Oh, and if you’re really looking into having your mind blown, check out Esther Perel and all of her writings and videos to gain a new perspective on fidelity and long-term relationships.