It was hard on me—not physically as much as spiritually. Mentally. I walked around for weeks after my beautiful boy was earthside, wondering, “Why? Why didn’t it go as I planned?”
I felt cheated of the birth I had envisioned. I felt weaker than those who had delivered their babies naturally. Also, I was emotional—vacillating between incredible joy at the life in my arms, and a quiet pain that he didn’t arrive how I had planned. It was a selfish way to see it, but I am being honest.
It took me years to realize that that birth, among them all, was actually my greatest showing of strength as a mom. And here is why: In that surrendering, I let go of MY wants, MY desires, and inadvertently learned the biggest lesson of motherhood—that it’s no longer about me and what I want.
I now call those moments “God smacks.” You know, those moments where He says, through an unexpected moment, “What?… You think you’re in control here? Let me take over and show you what you’re made of.”
So for any mom who might feel less-than because her birth wasn’t what she pictured to know that lesson that took me years to truly know—that you are fierce and strong. That the way you brought your baby into this world is no less magical. That you grew in ways from that day that you never planned, and damn it, that growth has made you beautiful.
I see you, C-section mama, and I’m cheering you on from afar. You’re brave and strong, and no one can take that away from you.