My first guests were the hilarious hosts of Momtourage Podcast, Ashley Hearon-Smith and Keri Setaro. You may recognize them from Scary Mommy, where they created and hosted a ton of content, but now with Momtourage, they’re on their own and funnier than ever.
I chose the topic of How to Find Mom Friends because it’s something every new mom struggles with. I can’t tell you how many times I looked longingly at a fellow mom with a stroller in line at a coffee shop or grocery store and wondered, “What can I say to make this person talk with me?!”
Intelligent adult conversation can feel rare in the early days of motherhood, when you’re so engrossed in the daily care of a tiny human being. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to make a meaningful connection.
Here are some things I learned from my interview with Ashley and Keri about making mom friends that might help you get through your tough spot, and maybe make you laugh, too. (Seriously, these guys are amazing.)
…and you thought it was just for getting a date! No way, mama. I asked the girls what lines they’ve used to get other moms talking, and they didn’t disappoint.
“My pickup line is super direct; and it’s worked really well, and it’s bombed. Like, embarrassingly badly. I use a pickup line I would use for dating, but for a mom. Like, ‘You look really good in those jeans!’ .. The people that get it really get it, and we’re friends forever.”
“I started taking a kid yoga class, where you bring your kid with you to do yoga, and that was my first outing in meeting other moms, and I simply said, ‘Do you guys want to go get a drink?’ And it was amazing how everybody else was like, ‘Yes!’”
We all agreed on this point: Just like regular friends (and boyfriends, noted Keri!) it’s totally normal to have a mom friend for each stage of your kid’s life.
I have a couple friends from my now 7-year-old son’s baby days, but only a couple. And then with each child, you pick up new friends while others might drop off. Totally normal! Like we all agreed on the interview, your needs as a mom change, so it’s only natural that your friend circle will adjust accordingly.
I just loved this story Keri shared, because I know I relate on some level. I asked what happens when you have friends who don’t have children, and don’t seem to want to know much about your new life as a mom. Keri says she had a strong group of women friends, and things changed once she had her daughter.
“Then I had a kid, and in some ways they kind of felt this was a betrayal of this girl crew that we had had. And some of those relationships have weathered the storm, and some of them [didn’t]. … It’s been really tricky and very painful, because it’s hard. I do take offense that you don’t want to care about my kid, actually.”
Okay and can we talk about how Zen and total #goals this perspective from Ashley is? To be honest, I personally get my feelings hurt when someone leaves my life, but taking this viewpoint on would help me tremendously to move on without hurt feelings. Here’s what she had to say: “For me, [if that happens], then we weren’t just that good of friends. … Like so many other relationships, I had built it into something it wasn’t.”
These are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the real, raw and hysterical moments that Keri and Ashley shared in our interview, so make sure you check out the full podcast episode here; or if video is more your thing, join the party and watch the video talk show!
And do you have any crazy mom stories to share? I’m all ears! Drop in on Comments below, or shoot me an email through the Contact info on the top of this page! I’d love to chat!
Follow along @WeGottaTalkwithSonni