It’s one of the things I always say, as well as a motto I use to guide my content: We contain multitudes.

Every woman is a mix of both the serious and the fun, and what a joy it is to access all these different parts of us at different moments of our days, and lives.

On that note, I’m so excited to share with you the inaugural volume of On the Record—deep dive questions with people I admire—questions that touch on both the frivolous and the serious.

The people you’ll meet in this column are not only experts in their fields, but they’re also people who have positively impacted my life in some way. And they’re sharing some wisdom that I hope helps you, too!

On the Record will be a monthly release, so on this special inaugural edition, please allow me to introduce you to our first guest: Colette Fehr.

Colette Fehr is a couples’ therapist, relationship expert, TEDx speaker and author whose focus is on discernment counseling.

She also was the guest on an amazing episode of my podcast called “Should You Stay or Should You Go?”, where we talk all about how to honestly assess your relationship and decide if it’s worth the fight. Definitely give it a listen!

With that being said, welcome to On the Record! *flips microphone on, hits record*

Hi Colette, and welcome to On the Record! Let’s start with… The Fun Stuff.

What’s one health and wellness trend you love and one you avoid? Why?

I love the growing emphasis on mediation and how mainstream it’s become. It’s so good for mind and body. I am not a fan of yoga. People will come at me for saying this but it bores me and it doesn’t feel good to my body. I’ve also been excited about the benefits of walking with weighted vests lately.

What’s your most repurchased beauty item?

I just re-purchased my standbys: Nars bronzer, Trish McEvoy gorgeous cream blush in So Pretty, and Trish McEvoy lip gloss in Perfect Pink. But my new favorite beauty product is compounded estradiol cream for my face. I find this essential for the perimenopause/menopause stage.

What one small habit has made a big difference in how you feel?

A short mindfulness meditation daily and a 30-minute walk outside.

What’s the last book you read and podcast you listened to?

I’m a huge reader and will go through at least one or two books a week. I just read “Isola,” by Allegra Goodman. It’s a gorgeously written historical fiction novel.

As for podcasts I am not as much of a consumer, so I would have to say my own, Insights from the Couch and Love Thy Neighbor: A Relationship Show.

What piece of clothing or accessory will we always find in your closet?

A great pair of boot cut jeans (I stick to what I like whether they’re out or in); big gold hoops; and a good cashmere sweater, even if I can barely ever wear it in Florida!

Now, for The Serious Stuff!

What does balance look like for you these days?

I am in a very busy season of promoting my upcoming book, The Cost of Quiet, seeing therapy clients, and doing two podcasts, so balance is tricky right now.

I’m an extrovert so I make sure I plan at least one fun social activity a week, and I also need downtime to be alone and read so I try to have at least one non-working “pj-all-day” days a week too!

I also prioritize sleep because I know how important it is to be rested.

What’s something you’ve learned to say no to?

Anything and everything I don’t want to do. Being a therapist has really helped me to learn to have zero guilt in saying no. If it is going to step on my ability to take good care of myself or cause resentment, I’m not doing it.

What is a recent headline that really made you think?

“Why Women Are Weary of the Emotional Labor of ‘Mankeeping,” in the New York Times. I’ve been seeing this pop up all over the place, and as a marriage counselor I’m seeing these trends in my office too.

Women are fed up with imbalances in the mental load and doing all the emotional labor in relationships and for years society has done a disservice to men, really forcing them to disconnect from their emotions and not always contribute equally to partnerships. Hopefully, this is changing because healthy relationships are our greatest resource for longevity.

What serioues conversations are you having with your friend group right now?

I’m 52, so there’s lots of talk about menopause and the changes that go with it.

On the positive front, my friends and I talk a lot about how comfortable we feel in our own skin, how confident we are and how many things we no longer care about. It’s freeing. 

Because I’m a therapist and many of my friends are too, we are almost always doing a deep dive into our marriages, our fears and dreams, and family dynamic issues. I’m not much interested in small talk. 

On the more stressful side, we’re also talking a lot about being the sandwich generation, caring for kids and aging parents while trying to maintain careers and marriages. It’s A LOT. But having friends you can be real with is so restorative and invigorating.

Tell me why you think age is just a number.

I think each person inhabits their age very differently and whatever the number is, it’s what you make of it. 

Your mindset is everything. If you feel connected to your life force, which I do, I believe you’ll feel young at any age. 

For me personally, my fifties so far is the most exciting and rewarding time yet. I’m willing to tolerate a few more wrinkles for the sense of confidence and truly knowing myself I now feel.

However, if I could look like I did at 30 and have the wisdom and self-esteem I have at 52, that would be perfection. 😅

A big thank you to Colette Fehr for going On the Record!

Check out Colette’s Substack here; and her book, The Cost of Quiet, here. She is THE expert on all things relationships, so be sure to give her a follow in Instagram here as well!