(*usually). Sometimes you get the crazy idea in your head that it is, in fact, possible to put on a full face of makeup with three young kids in the house. And then, you realize that you are a fool. A complete and utter fool.

When you find yourself saying “I’ll strip down naked if I have to, I just need to get on this flight,” you know your weekend away is off to a good start. Rewind!

Playroom: [pley-room, -roo m] Noun. A room to stash your kids so you can finally go to the bathroom alone. But only for 45 seconds. Because they will find you. (They always find you.)

If you are anything like me, you’ve got a crap-ton of imaginary friends.My imaginary friends aren’t “imaginary” in the sense that they don’t exist; rather, they’re imaginary in the sense that they’ve never met me.

“If I sit really, really close to the door,” she said. “If someone came running down the hall with a gun, I wouldn’t have time.”Please take a moment to process that quote. Really read it. Those words came from a high school student.

For all of its daily joys, the biggest knock on parenthood is the suddenly-crystal-clear lens through which you begin to finally grasp the relentless speed at which life is passing.

Before I get into today’s topic, may I just say, Holy crap, moving with three young children (two of whom were sick at various points over the past week) is its own special brand of hell, and I’m not sure I’ll ever reach my baseline of relaxation again, let alone ever be able to smell cardboard without immediately dry heaving.

By all accounts, this is one of those big moments in a family’s timeline. And yes, we are all very excited about this. The newness! The extra space! The dedicated play room that–say it with me now, HALLELUJAH–actually holds all of the kids’ crap!

Want to know what we’ve been up to for the past, oh, I don’t know, 15-thousand hours? Packing. Okay, maybe it’s technically not been that long, but it sure does feel like that.

What no one tells you about motherhood is just how very not glamorous it is. Motherhood is lots of great things, but it’s also all of this aforementioned crap (literally), and more.