It feels like I’ve told the story about why I quit my job in television news countless times, and I’m always a bit surprised by how frequently the question comes up not only in interviews I’ve done with other people, but also in day-to-day conversations with friends or other people I meet. Why? they ask. Why would you leave a job you worked so hard to get, and one you so thoroughly enjoyed?

So our 18-month-old is doing this thing lately that’s got me, let’s just say, on edge. I turned my back for literally one minute (1 minute!) the other day while she and the other two kids were in the kitchen, and I kid you not, when I came back in she was walking across the kitchen island.

I’m not saying that kids these days are spoiled by the abundance of hot tool options that make literally almost any person able to avoid the Just-Stuck-My-Finger-in-a-Socket look that I rocked literally from seventh until 12th grade… Wait… actually I am.

So, you just had a baby. Welcome to motherhood! And welcome officially to The Dark Days of Your Nipples. (More on this later.)

Do you have kids and need to get out of the house quickly? Haha just kidding that was a joke DON’T EVEN ANSWER BECAUSE DUH.

I’m hardly a by-the-book person. In fact, the dozen or so books on parenting and baby sleep that I bought have all ended up serving as candle-holders on my nightstand, rather than actual resources to inform my mothering.

No time for ten things, so let’s cut that crap in halfsies and go! Here are 5 Things I’m loving or otherwise up to…

It always starts with me crying at random times, in random locations. Outside a drug store. Walking a lake path, as I catch a glimpse of the way the wind catches the water and pushes it into jagged caps. At Trader Joe’s, in the produce aisle.

So here you are, in your last month of pregnancy. By this point, you’ve already done a ton of work. But there’s one more thing to prepare before you meet your baby, and that’s your hospital bag.

It’s easy to tell when you’re a creature of habit. For example, when you look at my (not very impressive) shoe collection, one thing will undoubtedly jump out: I love booties.