Well what can I say… This week’s show was a blast!
Sex therapist Zoë Kors did not disappoint, and neither did you with your amazing questions!
You can check out the podcast episode below, and the video episode here (worth checking out to see sex toys throughout history, which are, just, wow).
But in the meantime, here are a few takeaways from the hour-plus I spent talking with Zoë!
This was the theme of several viewer questions we got—things to the tune of, “How can we bring back the spark?”
Zoë says, “The key to sexual tension is to create a certain degree of mystery and excitement. [W]e tend to think that we know everything about each other.
“But sexual tension is born from a certain amount of mystery of discovery of like who is this person. So, especially during the pandemic when we spend so much time together, it’s important to create a certain amount of space and, and to play that role, sort of romancing each other, and wooing each other and seducing each other. And that can be.
That can happen, like, over time, you know, all through the day foreplay all day.”
And here is how she says you can do that—and it’s super simple!
“Order in, set a table set it with candles, go get dressed separately [in different parts of the house], come together, you know and have a proper date.”
Zoë and I spent some time discussing the different energetic vibrations that men and women can have, and why this can be a good thing, but also a threatening thing to some men.
“Women’s expansive chaotic, emotional intuitive nature freaks out the patriarchy who is very linear very risk averse … and I think that’s that’s reflected to some extent in bed. … [I]n the world of sexuality women’s sexuality is is very different than men’s.”
The lesson? Embrace your differences and have discussions about anything that may be causing friction.
More than a few questions came in from Instagram about how to rekindle intimate connections with partners—whether emotional or physical—along with worries about if that place of discord is normal.
Zoë answered this one pretty concisely!
“I want to say 100% of couples deal with some degree of desire discrepancy or some, some facet of sexual dissatisfaction, or an area that could be improved. [E]very couple has something that could be cleared or improved or, or enhanced in their sex life, it just is. And, and the reason why is because we don’t talk about it.”
Her book is coming out with some tips and information, so stay tuned for that next month!
In the meantime, for exercises that increase intimacy, she suggests checking out the sexual health app where she is the chief intimacy advisor, Coral.
Let’s be real: Sex is the ultimate form of vulnerability. And Zoë says if you go into that not knowing your own body well, it can result in a less-than-OMG time. (And who wants to waste their time with that?!)
The concept of self-discovery—from understanding your feelings to understanding your vagina—came up multiple times. So the biggest takeaway from my interview with Zoë is this: When you know yourself better, and get comfortable with what works for you, better sex and better connection follows.
“What women get wrong is that they don’t understand the way their bodies work, by and large, in this culture, we are taught about sexuality and our own bodies through pornography pornography doesn’t always display, a sort of normal sexual response in a woman.
“[W]e start … comparing ourselves to what we see in pornography, and it’s not accurate. We end up feeling like there’s something wrong with us,”
Oh, we also talk:
Best sex toys
If vibrators can reduce sensation over time
What sex therapy actually looks like
…and so much more
Yeah, TONS of juiciness. 😉
Is video more your thing! Check out the talk show below. (You are going to DIE seeing the ancient sex toys article Producer Rachel found. Ha!)