So here you are, in your last month of pregnancy. By this point, you’ve already done a ton of work. But there’s one more thing to prepare before you meet your baby, and that’s your hospital bag.

It’s easy to tell when you’re a creature of habit. For example, when you look at my (not very impressive) shoe collection, one thing will undoubtedly jump out: I love booties.

There is no other way to describe this past Friday than messy. I don’t mean that in a figurative sense, but in a very literal sense. Specifically, it was bloody.

Pop quiz: What’s only moderately easier than giving birth to a human being? Giving birth to a website.Just kidding! Kind of. 😉

Everybody has some place to be, and often, quickly. For me, that place is in my van… stuck in a line of cars that’s being held up by nearby construction as I pound my fists onto my steering wheel and try to prevent myself from unleashing a string of expletives in front of the kids, wondering out loud (for the tenth time that week, likely) why I didn’t leave my house earlier to drop my kids off at school.

I so want to get quippy and make some comic tie-in between my love for this grandpa blazer and all the grandma-like things I’ve got going on my life these days (exhaustion, advancing to middle age, etc etc), but I gotta shoot you straight and tell you, girlfriend is wiped. Ain’t happenin’ tonight.

No doubt you’ve seen that one scary post your friend has shared on Facebook–the one where she feels she was followed by a strange person in a parking lot or store, and worried that person was tied somehow into a human trafficking ring.

It should come as a surprise to no one that massive amounts of watermelon and birthday cake do not mix well in any environment, especially if said environment is your toddler’s stomach, shortly before bedtime.

There’s something about wrapping up in a cardigan that makes you feel like fall, even if it is still hovering around 90 degrees where you live.

I was hysterically laughing when I came across this illustration by artist Chelsea Larsson, who clearly has the hilarity of many moms’ breast-pumping realities down pat, as well as just about every other wackadoo scenario that motherhood encompasses.